you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think a kid would responsible me up
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
