& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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