good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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