hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
