I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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