the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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