No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
too bad you live with your parents still
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
