I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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