Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
