I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
