I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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