I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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