Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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