I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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