I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
