I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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