My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize