I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
is it fun? or sober?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
