Midget sex pt 2 tonight
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
