the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
