smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
