conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
