he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
