Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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