You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
