what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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