i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
