Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
