I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
