The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
This baby is an asshole
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
