I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
