Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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