Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
