I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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