oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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