Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
