I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
