Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
