Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
