She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
