OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
