hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
