Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
