She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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