i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
