Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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