Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
