watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
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