there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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