I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
