so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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