Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
