He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
