i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
