Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
