I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
