I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
