Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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