I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
