its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just want to make out with him forever
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
