We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
