You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
