Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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