people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
