I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
