He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
