remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
