i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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