She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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