I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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