omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
