last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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