Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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