my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
