You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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