3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He shit in the fireplace
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
