I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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