just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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