She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
