Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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