12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
