Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
