dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
