She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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