The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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