i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
