Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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