Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize