We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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