i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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