My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
