I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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