Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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