I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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