so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
