in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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